The Road to Peace - II
FAMILY PEACE
(PART II OF IV)
Meignanasiriar.
M. SUBRAMANIAM B.E., M.B.A.,
(Trustee, Universal Peace Foundation)
It was delightful reading in a
newspaper to SEE a recent photograph of a
single family of FIVE generations
comprising 163 members in a small Town
in Tamil Nadu.
A family unit starts from two to innumerable ones like the
one above. From time immemorial a family has been described
as a Temple, a University and what not? All the people, of all
the nations across the globe together can be called ‘Vasudeva
Kudumbam’ or Universal family.
Can we classify family into small, medium and large.
a A small family comprises just husband and wife.
a A medium family comprises two adults and two children.
a A large family comprises more than 8 members.
Some of them are chosen ones by nature wherein no children
are born to a couple. They must get contented that their life’s
mission is different from others and be strong headed to ward off
comments from others and indirect social pressure and continue
their mission undaunted.
Everyone in the society is influenced by past trends and
conventions. It is not an absolute necessity or compulsion for
every married couple to produce children. I know of one such
couple who were initially disturbed but when they understood
FAMILY PEACE
(PART II OF IV)
Meignanasiriar.M. SUBRAMANIAM B.E., M.B.A.,
(Trustee, Universal Peace Foundation)
It was delightful reading in a newspaper to SEE a recent photograph of a single family of FIVE generationscomprising 163 members in a small Town in Tamil Nadu.A family unit starts from two to innumerable ones like theone above. From time immemorial a family has been describedas a Temple, a University and what not? All the people, of allthe nations across the globe together can be called ‘VasudevaKudumbam’ or Universal family.Can we classify family into small, medium and large.a A small family comprises just husband and wife.a A medium family comprises two adults and two children.a A large family comprises more than 8 members.Some of them are chosen ones by nature wherein no childrenare born to a couple. They must get contented that their life’smission is different from others and be strong headed to ward offcomments from others and indirect social pressure and continuetheir mission undaunted.Everyone in the society is influenced by past trends andconventions. It is not an absolute necessity or compulsion forevery married couple to produce children. I know of one suchcouple who were initially disturbed but when they understood their goal in life, they started assuaging the feelings of several disturbed people and today they are a very happy couple. At a time when people do not want re-birth this is a blessing for the couple.
We find several instances in many families where the parent has a vision for their child and the child has its own. The parent fails to SEE reasoning by the child. For example a doctor father wants his daughter to study medicine to continue his profession but the girl wants to complete IAS. Both are service to society, but it is wise to allow the child to live its dream to avoid conflict and to expect the best out of the child. Now let us recognize the fact in computer jargon a computer is called an idiot box. However best the programmer and program is the output result is always in relation to the input given to the computer. Based on what input parameters are given to a computer, after analysis, it gives an appropriate output. So also the human brain can also be compared to an idiot box such as the computer. Every child is born to parents at different locations of the world geography and grows in different conditions. Every milli second its brain receives inputs from its local environment, from the parents, later from school teachers and then the society around the child. So we can understand that no two brains can receive the same inputs due to differences in geography, parental attitude, teachers’ behavior and lessons from society. Naturally with different inputs conditioned into the brain, when same new inputs are given for processing, they necessarily differ from one another and the output or decisions vary. That is why when two persons engage into a conversation there is disparity in thought leading to disturbance or conflict in some form. When there is agreement the relations are smooth. But when they disagree then distaste sets in. If this is understood properly people can learn how to avoid conflicts. So we will appreciate that there is nothing called absolute right or absolute wrong decision or opinion or thought.Depending on situation and circumstance the right can become wrong and the wrong can become right. To illustrate this take the case of a donation to a politician. A businessman donates a huge sum of black money to a politician for his publicity. Giving donation is right. But given black money is wrong. A big heroin/narcotics seller invests a large part of his profits to build a huge educational institution or a hospital for the public. Can we say drug pedaling is wrong, and creating a public institution is right.
Upon understanding the origin, cause and nature of conflict one can easily find a solution without getting caught into a muddle. Yet when the disparity gets wider and more intense it leads to diverse between couples unable to cope with each other’s demands.
It may be recalled here the great Scientist Albert Einstein, father of Theory of Relativity and Nobel Laureate never lived peacefully with his wife and got divorced later. A genius and an ordinary house wife could not SEE eye to eye because each one’s pursuit in life was different. In several Indian families we commonly find feuds between the Mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law. Usually the mother-in-law regins supreme because of age over her daughter-in-law in most cases. But there are exceptions where the daughter-inlaw reigns over her mother-in-law too. In contrast to these conventions we do find a very cordial amicable relationship between both the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law. Oh it’s a wonderful experience to meet such duos. They also coexist happily on this planet. In much larger families, after the head’s demise the children fight for property rights and even go to court to establish their entitlement forgetting the love and affection between their own siblings. But what a pity? Money reigns supreme. There is no mind to give up their rights. Because everyone wants to enjoy luxury in life no matter what his status is or how capable he is to make another fortune for himself.I recall a friend telling me, most court cases can be categorized into three wants – money, power and women. If only one of them is ready to give up courts can go out of business. If only minimum needs of all the population is met no need for theft or crimes – can we live without a police station. If only all are healthy can we live without sophisticated hospitals.
I must make a mention of the woes faced by the elder generation. As a couple grew older in age their children and grand children live in different locations deserting the parents. The elders start facing loneliness and left to fend for themselves.The biggest blow comes when one among the couple dies ahead of the other. This is a stark reality whether anyone likes it or not. The single person has to undergo excruciating mental pain to live alone without his life partner because of the love shared between them for decades. No other action can ever replace that bond. Adding to their woes dependency on others for money,health care, shelter, maintenance etc., shatters their mental make up. It is at this time they need moral support more than anything else and words of care and love. Can each one of us make a small contribution to make the lives of elders more soothing? No matter where they belong!
Can the golden era promise all this. Somebody told me this is an Utopian Thought – But ‘TIME’ alone is the answer! Going through all these realities of life mentally, one can reconcile their minds internally and distance the ‘I’ (Athma) from the mind to liberate themselves. The inner silence permits us to control and distance the mind to keep ourselves in peace. Are you ready to find tune your mind to enjoy eternal peace?
‘SANTHOSHAM’
